If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Randomize
