Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
