i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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