her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I got inside last night via doggy door
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
