i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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