just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
