ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
