You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
