We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish you could order shots online.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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