Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
