My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
