I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
