im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
