I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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