i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
