The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
