I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
