Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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