Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
