I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
