we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
