i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
