Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
