just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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