Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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