I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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