When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I look better un-naked...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's no shave November. This is our time.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
