the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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