Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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