i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
