Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
