You just made me feel so damn special
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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