Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
