shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
