Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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