covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
