I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
