he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
