your thong is hanging out like whoa
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
