I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
