I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
