): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
