ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
