I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
