I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Randomize
