I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
