you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
