did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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