So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
