There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
