Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
